Dude, you’re not kidding—these two banks just snagged the crown jewels of the Fed’s latest stress tests. It’s like they walked into a gritty detective film, confidently clutching their badges, knowing they’re bulletproof in this economic noir. When the stress test results dropped, Goldman Sachs and Wells Fargo practically threw a victory parade—well, at least their stock charts did.

High-flying Goldman, with its swagger and slick reputation, saw a 2% bump right after the news. Seriously, it was like the market was whispering, “Yeah, we see you, Goldman, way to dodge the financial chaos.” Not to be outdone, Wells Fargo crawled back into the spotlight with some solid gains, proving it’s not just a name you forget after the scandals. Both banks aced the toughest simulated apocalypse we’ve thrown at them—think housing prices crashing 33% and unemployment hitting 10%—and still came out looking fresh.

It’s almost like these banks don’t just survive storms—they thrive in them, riding waves of stress-testing confidence. But don’t get too comfy—the game’s still tense. The market’s watching every move, and with these results, it’s clear that Goldman and Wells are playing it smart, tight, and ready for whatever economic bad guys throw at them next. Seriously, it’s a good day for the banking sleuths and investors who knew these two were winners all along.